Why do I have ZERO interest in finding for a partner?

Assalammualaikum readers!

First of all, I'd like to take this time to celebrate my greatest achievement of achieving 10k readers on my blog! So...... yayyyyyy!

Ok, back to the main focus now. Today's topic will be of something personal for me. Well, I wouldn't say its an issue because this is the decision I've made and I'm happy with it. And yes, I decided to have it up on my blog because I've received so many questions regarding this and I thought I would write up on my blogpost. So here it is guys! ( And also because I should keep my blog alive.. krik k)

First of all, I personally think that no man deserves to be with me. Ok I know this sounds stupid but hey, the harsh truth is I'm a single mom. Yes, I've been emphasising this now and then across my whole social media. Not because I want to gain sympathy, but rather gain awareness that I'm not like any other ordinary woman people would think of. I know where I stand in this world. I wish I could tell guys off that "If you wanna have me, you got to have Isabel as well." I would have say that if I want to, but its rather pressuring for him to accept that. Don't get me wrong, I've never asked anyone to support me financially or what not. I mean, that's the last thing I want them to do, in fact NEVER want them to do. But, winning Isabel's heart and treating her like his own, it may sounds easy but truly, its not. The main reason is because she is afraid of everyone. I don't wish to explain this any further, but yea.. things are pretty hard for me because I've little time with her to expose her around. But in sha Allah, as time past by, she'll be like a normal kid. But that's another issue. The point is, all men out there, they are not at wrong to be punished this way.

Which brings me to another point of taking into consideration of baby's life. I don't want to see myself dating with so many guys and letting baby know that I've dated them. The next question that will pops into her head is "So who's my daddy?" and each time whenever the relationship fails, I have to face the obstacle of making her forget the guy. And it's heartbreaking. Because I'm all back to square one. So the next guy (hopefully to be the right one) will only face her when we both are ready and serious to take this relationship to another step.

Another reason is because I've too many commitments. I hold alot of roles as a woman. I'm the mom and dad to Isabel, I'm a daughter to my parents and a sister to my siblings. Also, I'm a working adult who is still schooling. There's so many things that I need to think of be it financially and morally. And I still have my goals to achieve of having higher certs and stabilising myself with baby. Plus, thinking about baby's future to put her into a better school, getting her involve with activities, and guiding her to the right path. So yea, that's another reason.

And the last reason will religiously be about relationships itself. It doesn't matter how long we both are going to be together. If you're not my fate, then you're not. Who are we to fight that? Fate comes from Him alone. So if he is destined to be mine, never in a million years will I be for anyone else. I don't see the need for me to rush myself in getting into relationships, although I'm already 21 and my friends of my age are already having the thought to settle down with their partner. But so what? What's there got to do with my life? That's their sustenance. Maybe mine isn't time yet. So all I need to do is to be patient you know? It's as simple as that. No doubt, I do feel lonely at times. But hey, I've been occupying myself with things to do and Alhamdulillah I'm so much better when I'm busy like this. It makes me have lesser interest on finding someone new. You know, it's never about 'finding'. We don't have to find. Rather fate will come to us if we all can wait patiently. But that does not mean that I can take this opportunity to flirt around. It's not the right thing to do. Even when my flaws have already been revealed to the society, I still have my dignity with me. Like who am I, a single mom, to flirt around with guys who are innocent? And who am I, to flirt around with guys who are not destined to be with me, but rather belongs to someone else as said by Him? So yea, the only thing that I can do right now is to pray. Pray that my heart will only be open to a man that He said to be my future husband. Pray that I'll keep my gaze low. And pray, that my future husband, wherever he is, will be the right man to guide me and Isabel to the right path til Jannah. Ameen ya rabb.

I'm just gonna leave this post here for y'all to read. Until then, assalammualaikum warrahmatullah.