Thoughts about early marriage

In our modern society, most of us, even the older generations would be against early marriage. Early marriage in a way that we are either too young for that, or it is too early for the both of the parties to settle down due to the period of time they both known each other.
Why? Because all of us are worried that we are not able to commit especially on finances and the extra responsibility we all have to bear. Another reason is because they fear that flaws are revealed and that they could not accommodate to each other's lifestyle. The last reason could be because they are too young to get married. Now lets look at this reason one at a time:

1. All of us are worried that we are not able to commit especially on finances and the extra responsibility we all have to bear.
Islam highly recommends Muslims to have an early marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the extra expenses they have to commit for the family, they are strongly urged to repose their faith to Allah SWT, for He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rezeki) and go for an early marriage, which leads to our first question: "If you are not ready, why did you choose to take a step ahead with your partner?" This has become a main issue in our parents, because they fear that the man could not afford to take care of their daughter's well being. In Islamic perspective, it is a very sad case that parents avoid looking at it in a different perspective. The boundaries between modern and religious laws have become blurred, which resulted in the justification of practise.
'When you know both partners are fated to be together, you get the Nikah done. You delay them, you are sinful.'- Ismail ibn Musa Menk. What does he mean by that when our purpose of delaying the marriage is good? It is simply to ensure that both parties do not fall into sins. If a father calls himself a guardian to his daughter, then it is one of his duties to make sure she does not fall into sin by laying out his absurd demands of a man to help her find for a proper husband. Filled by love of the Dunya, many families will only choose to marry their daughter to a rich man with a PhD, or the least, a Diploma holder with a stable job. Pity any men who are not able to meet these requirements. Whatever status they have, whoever they came from, all men have the right to get married if they have attained the age of fifteen and baligh. Apart from that, a husband has to be Rashid and a wife Rashidah so that the responsibilities of married life are sensibly discharged. Also, some families place a huge restrictions on their daughters, which creates a terrible barrier in getting young woman married, as it makes it impossible for them to find someone that is perfect in her family's eyes. Surely, we all have flaws. A man is a mixture of two: both angelic and earthly creations, both high and low. Enormous dowries is another issue that is fitnah and it has been condemned in the Hadith. The Prophet (s) said: "The best of women...are those who ask for low dowries." and Imam as-Sadiq states: "The blessed of women are those who ask for small living expenses, and the evil of them are those who are demanding in terms of living expenses." 
Asking for huge dowries are haraam, and what's interesting is that the daughter will not have any interest in asking for large dowry, instead she will ask for something extremely small, or even want to wave it altogether. The dowries will only exist among her family. This is for the sake of their appearance in the community. Some families would even go to the extend of making their daughter choose between her husband-to-be and her family, where they will make any manners of threat about what will happen if she choose to carry on with the marriage without their blessings. Indeed, who are we that our family must demand for huge dowries when we're a slave to Allah as well? When I think about 'relationship', I would always refer to this citation:
'The Prophet (s) said in a khutbah: "Jibra'il came to me from the Subtle and Aware one [Allah (swt)], and said: "Indeed, virgin girls are like fruit on a tree. When you take the fruit from a tree, then you do not have to fear that the sun will spoil it or that the wind will scatter it away. Similar is the case when a women is taken in the way that they are taken [meaning marriage]. There is no remedy for this problem except that they take a husband, and if they do not, then one will have to fear that they will become corrupted."'

2. They fear that flaws are revealed and that they could not accommodate to each other's lifestyle.
The Messenger of Islam (S.A.W.) said, "Do not marry a woman for the following four reasons: Wealth, beauty, ancestry and lust. It is obligatory upon you to marry a woman on account of her religion." (Jaame ul Akhbar). He has also prohibited his followers from marrying a beautiful woman from a disgraceful background. To get a 'perfect' man in Islamic views, one has to understand the meaning of what is meant by a perfect man. If we do not know and learn the Islamic definition of a perfect human being, we cannot become a perfect Muslim ourselves. There are two ways of knowing if one is a perfect person: one is to refer to our Holy Quran, and the other on our Hadiths to explain the best practising of a perfect Muslims. This means that one should know his personality, and not him as a person (his family background, his birthdate, his looks, etc). It is a mistake to view that the spirit is dependant on our physical looks or body.

3. They are too young to get married.
What families are more concerned of is their daughter's education and work life, than their spiritual life. They fear that when they marry at an early age, their children will not be able to complete their education. Even if this is true, the explanation is not valid to get the Nikah done for a 'halal' relationship, as this will put more pressure in both parties to fornicate. The truth is, it is not true when girls are to get married, they will somehow fail in life if they were to get married at an early age. One can balance the demands of their marital life as well as her educational/ professional life, in fact they are encouraged to do so. Commitments and responsibilities wise have already been explained on my first reason. Since puberty marks the onset of developing sexual urges, the messenger of Islam (S.A.W.) encouraged young people to get married. According to Hadith volume 7, Book 62, Number 74, he said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry...". The interpretation of the Prophet's advice did not mention any specific age, but marriage partners are supposed to have reached mental maturity. However, puberty does not equates to maturity. Books of Islamic law can be referred to for exact details on physical and mental maturity.

However, as an individual who does not have the mindset of marriage, one should definitely not force themselves for early marriage. This is just to convince young people about their doubts on settling down. Surely, Islam is not a limited religion; there is no restrictions in any case in which a human get suffer from it.
Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W.) said "O young people! Let those of you who afford marriage get married as it will help them lower their gaze and protect their chastity.
And for Those who don't afford it, they may fast for it will curb the sexual desire." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim from Ibn Mas'ud).
Hence, when one is ready and portrays enough mature level that one can decide for themselves and take care of children, then both should get married without delay.

Why do I have ZERO interest in finding for a partner?

Assalammualaikum readers!

First of all, I'd like to take this time to celebrate my greatest achievement of achieving 10k readers on my blog! So...... yayyyyyy!

Ok, back to the main focus now. Today's topic will be of something personal for me. Well, I wouldn't say its an issue because this is the decision I've made and I'm happy with it. And yes, I decided to have it up on my blog because I've received so many questions regarding this and I thought I would write up on my blogpost. So here it is guys! ( And also because I should keep my blog alive.. krik k)

First of all, I personally think that no man deserves to be with me. Ok I know this sounds stupid but hey, the harsh truth is I'm a single mom. Yes, I've been emphasising this now and then across my whole social media. Not because I want to gain sympathy, but rather gain awareness that I'm not like any other ordinary woman people would think of. I know where I stand in this world. I wish I could tell guys off that "If you wanna have me, you got to have Isabel as well." I would have say that if I want to, but its rather pressuring for him to accept that. Don't get me wrong, I've never asked anyone to support me financially or what not. I mean, that's the last thing I want them to do, in fact NEVER want them to do. But, winning Isabel's heart and treating her like his own, it may sounds easy but truly, its not. The main reason is because she is afraid of everyone. I don't wish to explain this any further, but yea.. things are pretty hard for me because I've little time with her to expose her around. But in sha Allah, as time past by, she'll be like a normal kid. But that's another issue. The point is, all men out there, they are not at wrong to be punished this way.

Which brings me to another point of taking into consideration of baby's life. I don't want to see myself dating with so many guys and letting baby know that I've dated them. The next question that will pops into her head is "So who's my daddy?" and each time whenever the relationship fails, I have to face the obstacle of making her forget the guy. And it's heartbreaking. Because I'm all back to square one. So the next guy (hopefully to be the right one) will only face her when we both are ready and serious to take this relationship to another step.

Another reason is because I've too many commitments. I hold alot of roles as a woman. I'm the mom and dad to Isabel, I'm a daughter to my parents and a sister to my siblings. Also, I'm a working adult who is still schooling. There's so many things that I need to think of be it financially and morally. And I still have my goals to achieve of having higher certs and stabilising myself with baby. Plus, thinking about baby's future to put her into a better school, getting her involve with activities, and guiding her to the right path. So yea, that's another reason.

And the last reason will religiously be about relationships itself. It doesn't matter how long we both are going to be together. If you're not my fate, then you're not. Who are we to fight that? Fate comes from Him alone. So if he is destined to be mine, never in a million years will I be for anyone else. I don't see the need for me to rush myself in getting into relationships, although I'm already 21 and my friends of my age are already having the thought to settle down with their partner. But so what? What's there got to do with my life? That's their sustenance. Maybe mine isn't time yet. So all I need to do is to be patient you know? It's as simple as that. No doubt, I do feel lonely at times. But hey, I've been occupying myself with things to do and Alhamdulillah I'm so much better when I'm busy like this. It makes me have lesser interest on finding someone new. You know, it's never about 'finding'. We don't have to find. Rather fate will come to us if we all can wait patiently. But that does not mean that I can take this opportunity to flirt around. It's not the right thing to do. Even when my flaws have already been revealed to the society, I still have my dignity with me. Like who am I, a single mom, to flirt around with guys who are innocent? And who am I, to flirt around with guys who are not destined to be with me, but rather belongs to someone else as said by Him? So yea, the only thing that I can do right now is to pray. Pray that my heart will only be open to a man that He said to be my future husband. Pray that I'll keep my gaze low. And pray, that my future husband, wherever he is, will be the right man to guide me and Isabel to the right path til Jannah. Ameen ya rabb.

I'm just gonna leave this post here for y'all to read. Until then, assalammualaikum warrahmatullah.

How do I handle my life as a single mom?

Ok, this is a requested post, and a very 'heavy' question for me to bring about. Because I don't really took notice of what I've done to carry on with my life you know? It's just like another normal day for me. But definitely, being a single mom requires yourself to be extra strong, not only for yourself but for your child as well. Well you can say that I've been a single mom since the day my daughter was born (don't ask me anything about this please).
And I'll be open for the sake of my readers, but it's your choice to judge me or not. I have been a mother since I was 18 years old. Right now, I'm 20. So, I am not only a mother, but was also a full time student. I was still at my 1st year when I was pregnant. At that point of time I was faced with major criticisms be it in school or outside school. However, my lecturers were very helpful and motivating, even my PEM who frequently would email me for updates or asking me about my health. My course manager especially was very helpful. I have to say this, he actually went to 5 places across Singapore just to collect baby's items from his ex-students' place with his wife and dropped by my house only at night. If I still have the picture to show you how many items he brought back here, I would have shown you guys. It was A LOT! It can literally cover one store room (not exaggerating)! Well that was just one short story I've digressed relating to this topic HAHAHA! Really thankful to have such kind people in this world, Alhamdulillah! Oh, and I remembered that I rejected the offer to take my exams during the holidays because I simply believe in myself. I know that I can still be like a normal student and I want to take my exams the same period as my friends, despite being different with a big tummy. Alhamdulillah, I passed everything and moved to the next following year with my classmates.
Anyway, the first few months was worst, because it didn't help the fact that there were no single-mom-and-full-time-student roles in my life! Fortunately I have an amazing family who would still accept her. Maybe none of them knew what I had to go through but they babysat and showered baby with love which I really appreciate to this day. Day-to-day duties for a single parent definitely requires extra effort, extra hard work, especially when you are still studying; coping with sleeplessness, baby's school, baby's expenses, my job, my school, etc. But Alhamdulillah I manage to complete my studies and received a diploma. You know, even if you have a child, don't make it as a barrier. If you really want to continue studying just like how you planned before you got your child, then go for it. Besides, your future affects her too. Because there's always a way to work out your problems. If I don't think this way, I think I might ended up quitting school. But how did I resolve the issue was simply by my family's support and finding a way to provide government's support.
Having a child, even after you're married is probably the biggest fear someone would face. At least for me. I've not set my path right, but yet I've already have a kid in my life to commit too. But sooner or later, I'll get past this fear. My life has always been a series of 'Oh, that was tough' crisis, but I just keep on going. You can't let things stop you, you know? You'll get stuck by then. Some things to overcome your panicky situation is to take one step at a time, and forget about long-term planning for once. You have the rest of your life to plot and plan with your short-term plans. These whole time, I have faced with a lot of obstacles and challenges along the way. This includes criticisms and rejections, which have made me loss my self-esteem and self-confidence. On top of that, I have to fight with my feeling of guilt, frustration, hopeless and fear. I had to go through a tough time battling on my own. But now, I truly think that all these feelings and treatment I get will just ruin me even more. And I definitely don't need that, especially now that I have a daughter. You really need to have a very positive mind set and focus just on yourself and your child. If there's anything you see that will do the both of you good, grab it while you have the chance to.

Having Isabel is my motivation to make it happen. The best thing I can do for my daughter is to show her how to be a strong woman without relying on anyone else but Allah.
I hope this answer to your question. Thank you for still sticking around with me even after I didn't update for long.

Until then, in sha Allah.. bye! 💘💘💘

 

 

Finding for a soulmate 💘

I'm not a love guru and neither am I specialized in this. But I'll still go ahead and post about it, because I think there's a need to. You see, in everything you do, we always have to remind ourselves to view it in an Islamic way. We're Islam after all, aren't we?
Before I could start off with this topic, know that there is no such thing as girlfriend and boyfriend in our religion. This relationship status will only exist in this dunya (world), however a righteous spouse will be with you even in Jannah! But how do we know if we truly love someone? Only when you love Allah SWT, can you truly love a person, because you will love him for the sake of Allah. We all know the world we're living in is temporary, and Hereafter is our forever. So what we want to achieve in when loving someone is marriage, so he could probably be that someone who can be a Khalifah (leader) and Imaam to your family to guide all of you to Jannah. I mean, think about it. Why does he love you? Because of all the reasons that are in the dunya? Then what about our Hereafter? Does he care? If he does, he would definitely make you his wife. I mean, I'm in no position to say anything, but this is based on my own experiences. I personally think that if someone doesn't care about my akhirat, where I will spend my Hereafter, my well-being, and my relationship with Allah I don't think he would be the right man for me. Every muslimah wants her man to be doing the righteous things for Him first. So am I expecting much? I, on the other hand should make an effort as well to go closer to Him. Probably now is not the time yet for me to think about marriage, because there's so many things that I should do to stabilize myself, and gaining more knowledge and going closer to Allah SWT is one of them. But we cannot deny, it's hard to avoid love, because that's what humans are made for; to love. And now, I don't want because of this love, I fall into Shaytan's trap and give into my desires. Right now, I can only afford to pray to my future husband, wherever you are, that you will always be in the best of health, under Allah's protection and barakah. I do not expect him  to be as charming as Nabi Yusuf ('Aalayhi Salam) because I'm not impressing the society, but just him to be a pious man to impress Allah. Am I still asking too much? Even if I do, won't it benefit him as well?
Past.. everyone has their own pasts. Allah is forgiving and He is the most merciful. It's not our job to ask why because that is His test for them. So maybe we could just do a simple favour not to think about it and just accept whatever he or she has become? No matter how dark his or her past may be, he or she repents, and managed to turn to Him back, that's all that matters right? When you look at him now, look at your future as well. Is he the right man to set a perfect example and be the best role model you wish your children to grow up with? Does he love Allah SWT? Because if he does, he will fear disobeying Allah and do all they can to please Allah. That means, you can rest assured that you will be well taken care of, because your partner knows your heart was created by Allah, and they wouldn't dare break a creation as precious as that despite our dark past. And even then if you are still going through pain, make this as a reminder:

"In trusting Allah, remember that what's best for you might be what's most painful." - Shaykh Omar Suleiman

I put my heart in the hands of Allah, so that He will put it in the hands of a man who believes and deserves it. May Allah bless us with pious husband/wife. Ameen Ya Rabb Al Alameen!

Everything happens for a reason

Everyone has their own struggles, and Allah will not test on His servants more than their abilities, because He is fair. We are faced with different problems based on our own capabilities. So we shouldn't judge because that is not our job and we are not the judge. We cannot handle even half of the things that these people have dealt with. There's a reason why they are what they are.
And thank you for all the comments I get from you guys. Alhamdulillah I managed to pull through the challenges and obstacles given to me, but that's only because I have faith in Him, and I've always believe that there is a solution to everything, despite the path we go to. All we need is confidence that this is the right path for us. At the end of the day, you are making your own decision, not anyone else. Each path we make, will have many challenges and obstacles coming our way. The harsh truth is, there's no escape to it and we need to be prepared for it. In Sha Allah, He will reward you with something good. Everything happens for a reason; people change so that you can learn to let go of them, they lie and you believed them because eventually you will learn not to trust anyone but yourself, things go wrong, not like what you've planned, because you will learn to appreciate them when they are right, even if it's not what you expected it to be, because you'll know then that not everything you want, you'll get, and good things sometimes fall apart so better things can fall together. You see, you'll get hurt initially but with patience and endurance, your rewards will come eventually. You don't have to trust me on this because I don't plan your future, it's Him. So have faith in Him, continue praying for Him. If you think no one is there for you, you're wrong. He's there for you, & He's watching you. Remember Him even when you are happy, because the world is temporary, and the afterlife is eternal. And guess what? We're here, and are still here for a reason too. Believe that there are no accidents in life. Everyone that we've met plays a role in our life, be it big or small. Some will hurt, betray, and make us cry, but that's only because He wants you to meet them to make yourself become stronger. So forgive and thank them for changing you to someone better. Some will not change us, but to teach us a lesson, for us to realise our mistakes and help us grow from there. And some will simply inspire and love us to make us happy. Bad things aren't tragedy after all isn't it? Even after all that has happened in your life, be it good or bad, all the pieces will fall into place. Until then, promise yourself that you will have the strength to laugh, and tell yourself these problems will only be here for awhile. Someday, everything will make a perfect sense to you. So in the meantime, smile through your tears and get back up, because good things are waiting for you right now.
In conclusion? Hahaha the conclusion is, don't expect, don't assume, don't demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen.. Just like how you wanted it to be.. In Sha Allah.

Allahu Akbar ❤